2 hours, 4 minutes in.

So two hours, four minutes in, thats how far she is. 1176 miles away. A few thousand more to go. Ah well. All I pray is that they all get there safely, have a beautiful time, and return safely.

I'm too tired to update more right now.

Till later,

JDR

Its going to be too long...

Wednesday July 18th, 2007.

Bliss. Moments of peace, promises of truth and expressions of romance.

Looking incredibly perfect in aquamarine.

Our first dance...

I'm going to miss you so much darling...



JDR

What now?

Its been a while since I've posted. And yes, I know, I could make the promises to turn this more frequent and attempt a steadier stream of thoughts and events for your reading pleasure and for my own sanity.

Or not.

Fact: I had a good weekend. I went to Ottawa with my friends for a weekend trip involving whitewater rafting and just having a good time in general. I needed the break.

Fact: I'm terrified of my past. I hate the things I've done but, regardless of that, I can't change them. Consequences can go too far, can't they...

Fact: I'm scared of change. I'd like to blame a lot of my inactivity and unwillingness to change/better myself on my lack of motivation to inject any effort. But I can't. The fact is, I'm scared of losing something to gain something else. Even though some of the things I have in life right now aren't things I acquired of my own power or effort or asking, it seems like trading them up (or rather, the possibility of losing them in exchange for what I want to get) is too hard a choice. Its too innate a fear when it comes to me. I don't know why.

I wish I could improve myself. Maybe I can. I have a plan. But then again, I've had several. What's going to make this one any different? Maybe its that I have no excuses or way-outs this time.

I'm sorry D darling, if I'm the cause of all this. I love you.

To the rest of you, thanks for sticking with me. I hope I can have something more positive to post the next time I return. Feel free to contact me when you wish.

JDR

Time to kill

So I've had an amazing few days. Hectic, fast-paced, unexpected, and still good.

I've rededicated myself and everything I do and I'm going strong, I think. I've got the help I need, and more got when I ask of it.

Started work yesterday, and its BRILLIANT.

And I just realized I don't have all that much time to kill, so I've got to run! I'll catch you later and post a new one!

For everyone who's been there for me, thank you.

D, I love you darling :).

Till later,

JDR

Intermediate

So it’s another new day and I’m stuck on a train heading nowhere. Well, that’s just a tad cliché, and somewhat untrue. Its 5:24 PM, so I can’t exactly say the day is “new”; I’m also on a train, by my own choice, heading to Hamilton. So all in all, it’s not particularly bad.

The day, in and of itself, hasn’t been all that bad either. I’d even go as far as to say it has been good. Even though it started relatively early (6:45 AM, and it does take a little getting used to after days on end of not doing anything and sleeping in), it progressed well. By 9:00, I’d watched this rather silly movie about alien invasions in the form of being control, drawing parallels from “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”. The movie title is “The Faculty”. Silly entertainment, though it does contain some now-big names in acting. I suppose it was one of those intermediates for them at the given time. Salma Hayek, Elijah Wood, Josh Hartnett, to name but a few. But yes, I now draw close to Oakville, and shall cease this until I reach my room, or some place with an internet connection and a place to sit. Maybe the Oakville-Hamilton bus.

Well, I’m in Hamilton, and that plan to write clearly did not work out as intended. I just had several things to do, one after another. I shall post this as an intermediate, and update as a new post that appends to this one.
And it actually is a new day now.

D, I’m sorry. I can be so thick-headed sometimes. I’m sorry darling.

For now,
Whispered Screams

JOG ON!

Sunday May 13, 2007

So I've spent the last couple days at home with cousin et famille. I have no idea if I got that right, so feel free to decry. All in all, its been a fun time, with two movies (Hot Fuzz, hence the title, and 28 Weeks Later, sequel to the slasher thriller 28 Days Later) and a shopping trip in downtown TO. As for now, I'm hitting the sheets to start the day early. Well, a little later than now, and earlier than 8 AM. Hopefully.

I really need to start those runs with SK. Chica, if you're reading this, hold me to this?

I miss D. Even in the midst of all this, I miss her. Terribly. I got a precious few hours yesterday, so I guess I can't complain. Scratch the yesterday, its officially the day before? Every moment is to die for, and every moment without doesn't seem worth a moment. But what kind of waiting game is this? I wish time would flow by faster.

I think I'm going to start a world-famous listing on this blog soon. But I need a topic, or something. I've got a few ideas, but I'd love to hear back from any of you.

One of my friends wrote a song about the division that exists between the two "extreme" worlds that are the Tamils and the Sinhalese in Sri Lanka. As of now, I'm still wondering why no one can follow a simple fix-it-all solution. Dare I suggest it? Or am I to be branded a traitor for not supporting the fighting, the forced impregnations of bullets into hearts and brains, the destruction of city, country, houses and people alike? Someone once told me that the people back home have nothing to live for but the independence. Interesting thought, that. What would independence represent? Calling a little 50-square-mile area a country? And then having an official national border separating it from another 75-square-mile nation? One that's already set-up with government, industry, technology etc...? Here come some flamers aimed at all those who took the fierce one-sided view to all this. Either side.

Could every Tamil person who left the country go back and think about the real-world survival of what's being proposed and the sensibility behind it? And if they could, would they put their backs into creating a nation from scratch and have it rise above the fifth-world standard it would start out at? Or would it be nothing more than an economic and political competition between two tiny nations with global impact? Would you, the SRI LANKAN Tamil person (according to some, the Indians are considered traitors?) and the Sinhalese person reading this, leave your homes, wherever in the world you are, and go back and fix this, one way or another?

Somehow I can't see that happening anytime too soon.

Hell, the next half-century would be nice.

Maybe if they run out of fossil fuels, the oil supply will drop and they won't have fuel for their planes to drop bombs on unsuspecting targets.

There's a thought.

Sadly yours,

Whispered Screams

Returning from the ashes...

Admittedly, its been an era since my last post. By era, I mean a time where pretty much everything in regards to my persona has changed in some way or another. Whether this is a good change or not, is something I cannot define. But, as a way of keeping track, I've decided to resurrect this old being, my once-trusted and now-re-trusted voice to the listening ear, or just something of a diary. I don't know.

So here goes...

Monday May 7th, 2007

Its 1:00 AM, and I'm sitting in SK's room, drifting through random snippets of this blog, her attempting to understand blogging, and me trying to reassess what it is that made me write all that in the first place. I don't know. I don't think I ever will be able to recall all of what made me take those stances in life at those moments.

Things are new now though.

I get to see D in the morning. Well, more specifically, at 9 AM. And I really cannot wait. Its been long enough, and enough's transpired since the last time I saw her and now. Who would've thought it could be this strong, a yearning...

I wonder now, though, if there's something I'm missing. I need help with life and she's there to offer it at every turn. Yet, the self-sufficient me does not want the interference. I'm left wondering what means the self-sufficiency serves when faced with truly innocent care. Fear? And nothing more? I wish I could apologize for my nature.

I've got a long night ahead of me. I hope I really don't oversleep.

I think this is enough of a resurrection.

Till later,

Whispered Screams