Monday August 28th, 2006
Today was generally unremarkable in essense. The same old CNE job, there and back (I finished a little earlier today) and not much else. However, I did get to walk along Lakeshore/Queens Quay. Got to check out the predawn spot where I met some cool new people. Memories...
If you guys ever see this, you have my gratitude for rescuing my sanity, albeit temporarily.
Got to watch episode 2 of Prison Break today. Its on a different theme from the first season. I'll take my stance on it a little further on into the year. For now, I just want to watch the next episode. not much of a cliffhanger though.
New thoughts... these aren't creeds that I live by, nor are they pieces of advice I'm dishing out to anyone and everyone. Rather, they're just the thoughts that control what might be my life a little while from now. I don't know... I can't explain what exactly they are, but here they are.
Learn to live for your dreams alone. No, I don't mean you abandon every other goal in your life to pursue these dreams. I just mean this: at every chance you get, dream. Daydream. Dream at night. Every moment you get to yourself, create a world in your mind that contains no error, no reason for justification to yourself, nothing that makes you question your choice. Some people believe that everything comes at a price. If imagination and the ability to make oneself happy and self-satisfied were subjected to the same classification, I think we've lost all ability to remain individual. Regardless, create this dream for yourself. Don't try to make it come true, because if it fades you'll be destroyed beyond recovery, stranded on a path that has no direction. Instead, allow yourself to consciously and subconsciously set the stage for the dream, to create somewhere, some time, some point for that dream to come true. It isn't about a fulfillment, its about a continuous journey. Somehow we believe something without an end goal is useless. Untrue. If we had shortcuts to everything, we wouldn't live past 25, in all honesty. So just create the circumstance, for in that creation you'll find every memory to hold onto, every moment spent in joy and contentment, and it won't be an endless wait, for it'll be forever ongoing. Even if the dream doesn't become a reality, it won't matter, because you've managed to transform your world into something that's perfect for you. If it does come to pass, you can stop, smile, and dream again...
Keep dreaming... perfection, that is.
The following is a fan video featuring clips from the movie "Tuck Everlasting" set to the song 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol. Its a beautiful song, but all the videos are copyrighted, and its hard to find a good copy. This video, however, goes along nicely. Listen to the end of it, if you will. Its a bit of a spoiler if you haven't watched the movie. Hope you enjoy it regardless.
Signing off,
Whispered Screams
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Stellar...
So courtesy of the CNE, I have worked for the past 9 days continuously, leaving the house at 7 AM, rarely returning before 1 AM. And still it continuous. Sunday was my day off, and I've enjoyed it by doing... absolutely nothing. I'm still exhausted, and tomorrow I've gotta get back into this stride again.
Things that seemed to have momentum up until this point seemed to have just ceased activity, laying in wait for me to get them started again. I don't know how I'm going to do that, but I suppose its a matter of focus, time and God knows what else.
Wow. That just seems so amazingly monotonous. But I can't seem to bring a stop to that tone, so I'll keep going for just a bit.
To everyone who I've turned silent on, I really apologize. I haven't had the time. For anything.
Work is a drag, yet emotionally strenuous. One never knows when one can get fired or not, and record-keeping with that high a volume of customers drains one. i've lost all ability to focus. I have to deal with short term memory loss. Its frustrating. But its only for a few more days. No regrets.
I saw a really good movie today, that perhaps some of you have seen. "I am Sam". A movie starring Sean Penn and Dakota Fanning. Its beautiful.
I'm blanking out. I'll pull my mind together again and post soon.
School in a few days. I have to sort that out too.
Here's another track that seems to provide some verbal definition to some aspects of my life. It can be a little graphic, so just a warning.
Musical note: Brilliant drumming.
Faders moving down...
Signing off,
Whispered Screams
Things that seemed to have momentum up until this point seemed to have just ceased activity, laying in wait for me to get them started again. I don't know how I'm going to do that, but I suppose its a matter of focus, time and God knows what else.
Wow. That just seems so amazingly monotonous. But I can't seem to bring a stop to that tone, so I'll keep going for just a bit.
To everyone who I've turned silent on, I really apologize. I haven't had the time. For anything.
Work is a drag, yet emotionally strenuous. One never knows when one can get fired or not, and record-keeping with that high a volume of customers drains one. i've lost all ability to focus. I have to deal with short term memory loss. Its frustrating. But its only for a few more days. No regrets.
I saw a really good movie today, that perhaps some of you have seen. "I am Sam". A movie starring Sean Penn and Dakota Fanning. Its beautiful.
I'm blanking out. I'll pull my mind together again and post soon.
School in a few days. I have to sort that out too.
Here's another track that seems to provide some verbal definition to some aspects of my life. It can be a little graphic, so just a warning.
Musical note: Brilliant drumming.
Faders moving down...
Signing off,
Whispered Screams
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Relativity...
Wednesday August 15th, 2006
I don't know what controls each day that goes past, but for me, I abandoned it to the wind about 2 months ago. And so I watch and wait, not in anticipation, but merely as an observer. Sometimes I smile, sometimes I cry, but I keep watching.
Well, a few updates, I guess.
Following the internet cafe thing, I headed back to my cousins' place, where we then hung out for a bit longer. After this, my uncle came home n told us we were heading to the Taste of the Danforth streed food festival. In short, it was brilliant! Just so colourful and packed. The food was awesome. The atmosphere was carefree and everyone smiled. I loved that. I got to carry my little cousin on my shoulders all around. He loved that, and it was a beautiful feeling. Got back to their place that night, and we all just collapsed into bed, exhausted.
Sunday, we were all late risers after two days of early mornings and late nights and super-exhausting days. Regardless, it was a more homely day, for the most part. It was beautiful in its own way. Then that evening, one of my cousins, TB, took us painballing. Now THAT was addictive fun. Round after round of pelting each other with paint-filled plastic shells, only some of which explode upon impact. Also worth mentioning are the number of said shells exploding on masks and, on one shot, ingesting a shell's worth of vegetable oil-based paint. Not too tasty, but ah well.
Came back to my own place and my own bed following that. I never realized how comfortable it was, but it was amazing. Another night of instant sleep.
Monday, me and AP and her brother headed to Fleet & Strachan for more jobhunting. We got mass-drafted, but ah well, its something, right?
Something I realized. Silence is retreat, but its a very lonely retreat. It takes too many steps in another direction from which its hard to reach anyone.
Please don't let this matter...
I managed to score a conditional something else, for which I was supposed to attend a preparation conference and then a general meeting today. I made it there, only to find out that the conference was moved to tomorrow. So I hung out with some of the others who came there, until the general meeting rolled around. They were cool; I'll see them on the job a lot, I guess. Interesting ethnic ratio our job is gonna have.
I met this one girl who gave me the strongest sense of deja vu. It was crazy. Nice person though. Managed to get herself on the nerve of the managers at the meeting, lol. I figure I met her a year or so ago, I just have no clue where. Annoying fleeting memories. I wish it were more photographic.
I wish each day that went past could bear a smile with it. I guess that wouldn't be life then, would it?
I don't know when I'm going to get off the back seat and become the one who drives my life. Soon, I suppose. I just need a sign of sorts. I'll wait.
To the someone from the past or the present, and to all those who need something to think about, cry about, hold onto someone for, here's a song thats made me wonder about a few things. Read the lyrics first, then scroll down to watch the video. There's an alternate mellower (and much nicer) version of it on the MSN video site. The link is under the video posted on my blog.
Band: Hedley
Song: Trip
Some say love is not for sinners
I believe that isn't true
'Cause when I was finished sinning
Love came down and showed me you
And you told me how to get there
So I tried to find a way
Then I ran into your garden
But I tripped out the gate
I tripped out the gate
What are you doing to me?
I'm so into you
And the hardest part is knowing
That I'll never follow through
You're slowly killing me
And I wish it wasn't true
Cause I'm so into you
Like a ton of bricks it hit me
And woke me from this dream
No matter how hard I tried to wash my hands
I could never get 'em clean
I could never get 'em clean
What are you doing to me?
I'm so into you
And the hardest part is knowing
That I'll never follow through
You're slowly killing me
And I wish it wasn't true
Cause I'm so into you
Can you hear me?
Cuz I can't change what I'll always be
Click here to go the MSN Video
I don't want to dream anymore...
Signing off,
Whispered Screams
I don't know what controls each day that goes past, but for me, I abandoned it to the wind about 2 months ago. And so I watch and wait, not in anticipation, but merely as an observer. Sometimes I smile, sometimes I cry, but I keep watching.
Well, a few updates, I guess.
Following the internet cafe thing, I headed back to my cousins' place, where we then hung out for a bit longer. After this, my uncle came home n told us we were heading to the Taste of the Danforth streed food festival. In short, it was brilliant! Just so colourful and packed. The food was awesome. The atmosphere was carefree and everyone smiled. I loved that. I got to carry my little cousin on my shoulders all around. He loved that, and it was a beautiful feeling. Got back to their place that night, and we all just collapsed into bed, exhausted.
Sunday, we were all late risers after two days of early mornings and late nights and super-exhausting days. Regardless, it was a more homely day, for the most part. It was beautiful in its own way. Then that evening, one of my cousins, TB, took us painballing. Now THAT was addictive fun. Round after round of pelting each other with paint-filled plastic shells, only some of which explode upon impact. Also worth mentioning are the number of said shells exploding on masks and, on one shot, ingesting a shell's worth of vegetable oil-based paint. Not too tasty, but ah well.
Came back to my own place and my own bed following that. I never realized how comfortable it was, but it was amazing. Another night of instant sleep.
Monday, me and AP and her brother headed to Fleet & Strachan for more jobhunting. We got mass-drafted, but ah well, its something, right?
Something I realized. Silence is retreat, but its a very lonely retreat. It takes too many steps in another direction from which its hard to reach anyone.
Please don't let this matter...
I managed to score a conditional something else, for which I was supposed to attend a preparation conference and then a general meeting today. I made it there, only to find out that the conference was moved to tomorrow. So I hung out with some of the others who came there, until the general meeting rolled around. They were cool; I'll see them on the job a lot, I guess. Interesting ethnic ratio our job is gonna have.
I met this one girl who gave me the strongest sense of deja vu. It was crazy. Nice person though. Managed to get herself on the nerve of the managers at the meeting, lol. I figure I met her a year or so ago, I just have no clue where. Annoying fleeting memories. I wish it were more photographic.
I wish each day that went past could bear a smile with it. I guess that wouldn't be life then, would it?
I don't know when I'm going to get off the back seat and become the one who drives my life. Soon, I suppose. I just need a sign of sorts. I'll wait.
To the someone from the past or the present, and to all those who need something to think about, cry about, hold onto someone for, here's a song thats made me wonder about a few things. Read the lyrics first, then scroll down to watch the video. There's an alternate mellower (and much nicer) version of it on the MSN video site. The link is under the video posted on my blog.
Band: Hedley
Song: Trip
Some say love is not for sinners
I believe that isn't true
'Cause when I was finished sinning
Love came down and showed me you
And you told me how to get there
So I tried to find a way
Then I ran into your garden
But I tripped out the gate
I tripped out the gate
What are you doing to me?
I'm so into you
And the hardest part is knowing
That I'll never follow through
You're slowly killing me
And I wish it wasn't true
Cause I'm so into you
Like a ton of bricks it hit me
And woke me from this dream
No matter how hard I tried to wash my hands
I could never get 'em clean
I could never get 'em clean
What are you doing to me?
I'm so into you
And the hardest part is knowing
That I'll never follow through
You're slowly killing me
And I wish it wasn't true
Cause I'm so into you
Can you hear me?
Cuz I can't change what I'll always be
Click here to go the MSN Video
I don't want to dream anymore...
Signing off,
Whispered Screams
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Just an intermission
Saturday August 12, 2006
So I realize I haven't updated in a few days. The reason for this is merely that I'm at my cousins' place, just relaxing and having fun courtesy of them. A little restless, have quite a few things to do, and do not have internet access. Hence this, my blogging from an internet cafe. I'll update more once I get home, but just a rundown of the last couple:
Headed to Wonderland yesterday with this group. Was a lot of fun, just in pure innocence and abandon.
Thank you for that guys.
Interestingly, my dreams have coincided with AP's in a way that seems a bit... strange. Regardless, they're dreams that portrayed her being eternally happy, so they're worth smiling about.
I'm adding the video for Mr. Brightside tying in for a previous post with the lyrics. Click HERE to go to it.
Just made me realize how much it ties into my last post about the people whowalk into your life, over you, and then disappear.
Thankless existence? Maybe. And no, I'm not emo, or regretting any of my choices. Just wondering why things are the way they are.
Have a good weekend.
Signing off,
Whispered Screams
So I realize I haven't updated in a few days. The reason for this is merely that I'm at my cousins' place, just relaxing and having fun courtesy of them. A little restless, have quite a few things to do, and do not have internet access. Hence this, my blogging from an internet cafe. I'll update more once I get home, but just a rundown of the last couple:
Headed to Wonderland yesterday with this group. Was a lot of fun, just in pure innocence and abandon.
Thank you for that guys.
Interestingly, my dreams have coincided with AP's in a way that seems a bit... strange. Regardless, they're dreams that portrayed her being eternally happy, so they're worth smiling about.
I'm adding the video for Mr. Brightside tying in for a previous post with the lyrics. Click HERE to go to it.
Just made me realize how much it ties into my last post about the people whowalk into your life, over you, and then disappear.
Thankless existence? Maybe. And no, I'm not emo, or regretting any of my choices. Just wondering why things are the way they are.
Have a good weekend.
Signing off,
Whispered Screams
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
New Day...
Just one thing for today...
Happy birthday to my dearest angel... to the one who taught me to dream... who taught me to live now...
Happy Birthday AP. I pray that ever moment of this year is just what you've dreamed it to be. Give me a chance to help you build your dreams.
458.
And here's something... a song that's making me get lost in parts of the past that we're meant to walk away from. Enjoy if you will.
Signing off,
Whispered Screams
Happy birthday to my dearest angel... to the one who taught me to dream... who taught me to live now...
Happy Birthday AP. I pray that ever moment of this year is just what you've dreamed it to be. Give me a chance to help you build your dreams.
458.
And here's something... a song that's making me get lost in parts of the past that we're meant to walk away from. Enjoy if you will.
Signing off,
Whispered Screams
Monday, August 07, 2006
In the end, it doesn't even matter...
No that title isn't ominous, or indicative of any resignation...
Just a couple things I feel like mentioning right now.
AP... I miss you beyond belief. Not being able to hear your voice each morning isn't difficult. Hard, but bearable. Not being able to speak every single thing on my mind and have you tell me things are alright, or that you'll help me make them so.. is.
Yet maybe its fear on my part.
Its not reliance.
Thank you D-girl. For everything. For that insanely long text, among others.
Tomorrow is going to be unfamiliar and maybe something new, maybe something in a sense of retrograde motion. I just want to take a few steps back and go on from there. Please give me that chance.
And then this picture...
I had this up on my display picture, courtesy of a friend who tried it, first for suicide, then for frustration, and then as a solution.
"At some point in your life, pain becomes more satisfying than gain..." He said that, and he made me wonder.
We try so hard for some things. We practically die for others. We sacrifice so much. Yet in the end that final result just doesn't seem to contain the sweetness we desire.
And so we do it, again and again, and yet again. The others walk over us, and we stand still... for in that sense of sacrifice there's no desire for revenge. Just the desire to be in that mindset. Its giving in to autonomy, and escaping to a twisted high that revels in pain yet wants no release from it. No, its not healthy. Yet its a sensation that, once we're in the grip of, is so hard to let go of.
And I know this... and I feel like I want it now.
I don't know.
I had a beautiful Wednesday. Maybe more so on this side than the other, but no matter. It was my choice to make it her day. Sorry for the stupidness. Hope I made you smile.
Listen to this...
Its somewhat definitive of what I feel for the world right now. Not everyone. Then again...
Happy Birthday to my friends BW and SG. Hope you guys have a blast on your 19ths. Miss you both. I'll make it up to you when I get a chance. I promise.
Signing off,
Whispered Screams
Just a couple things I feel like mentioning right now.
AP... I miss you beyond belief. Not being able to hear your voice each morning isn't difficult. Hard, but bearable. Not being able to speak every single thing on my mind and have you tell me things are alright, or that you'll help me make them so.. is.
Yet maybe its fear on my part.
Its not reliance.
Thank you D-girl. For everything. For that insanely long text, among others.
Tomorrow is going to be unfamiliar and maybe something new, maybe something in a sense of retrograde motion. I just want to take a few steps back and go on from there. Please give me that chance.
And then this picture...
I had this up on my display picture, courtesy of a friend who tried it, first for suicide, then for frustration, and then as a solution."At some point in your life, pain becomes more satisfying than gain..." He said that, and he made me wonder.
We try so hard for some things. We practically die for others. We sacrifice so much. Yet in the end that final result just doesn't seem to contain the sweetness we desire.
And so we do it, again and again, and yet again. The others walk over us, and we stand still... for in that sense of sacrifice there's no desire for revenge. Just the desire to be in that mindset. Its giving in to autonomy, and escaping to a twisted high that revels in pain yet wants no release from it. No, its not healthy. Yet its a sensation that, once we're in the grip of, is so hard to let go of.
And I know this... and I feel like I want it now.
I don't know.
I had a beautiful Wednesday. Maybe more so on this side than the other, but no matter. It was my choice to make it her day. Sorry for the stupidness. Hope I made you smile.
Listen to this...
Its somewhat definitive of what I feel for the world right now. Not everyone. Then again...
Happy Birthday to my friends BW and SG. Hope you guys have a blast on your 19ths. Miss you both. I'll make it up to you when I get a chance. I promise.
Signing off,
Whispered Screams
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