A two-sided coin

Most of you have probably heard that there's two ways to look at something bad that has happened... positively or negatively. Well, that isn't true. At least it isn't for me, and I can't really fathom how it can be for anyone else. But no worries.

My views are that one can be either bitter about something negative... or one can merely be resigned to the occurrences. Either way is a coping mechanism, I guess. But until one of these stages have passed, one cannot move on past the event in one's own mind.

Two of these things happened to me within the last 16 hours. One I couldn't control, one I... guess I could've.

The first thing...

We were driving back to Hamilton, me and dad. Our car's broken down a couple times due to transmission issues. We had the tranny replaced following the second incident. However, it blew again, this time right inside Oakville. Our car is now totalled. And there isn't really much we can do about it, except get a new one, a tough choice to take considering how tightly finances are stretched as they were. Ah well. Can't exactly be bitter about this right? Considering it was a $700 transmission change though... My dad's now a bit of a nervous wreck. I just pray he's alright. He doesn't let things on too easily.

The second thing...

Last night, after we came back to Hamilton, I got to talking to AP. The conversation was comfortable, until she asked if I wanted to come see her. She then retracted that because, to her, it felt like a breach of loyalty to someone. It just stung more than a little because she said the same thing... a week ago, in different circumstances. So when given the choice, I took it, merely meaning it to be a short trip. For my luck, it wasn't. I tried to preserve whatever she wished for, but I guess I slipped. Hm. The words "get out" actually are capable of singeing one.

I promise to never step foot inside unless invited. Never on my choice.

Bitter? Resigned? Resigned I guess...

Bitterness takes too much energy, particularly when negativity is all that surrounds you.

Signing off,

Whispered Screams

Inspired

Some of you may relate to this... Sometimes there are people who appear in your life with a seemingly general purpose, not necessarily focused at you. Yet, somehow, what they say becomes something incredibly and almost perfectly focused at you, just you, and no one else.

I had that experience today... A visiting pastor at my church (yes, for those of you who didn't know, I am a Christian, and my home church is Scarborough Gospel Temple), Reverend Ivan Reynold, from Australia, spoke about what it is to be able to give even when you may think you have nothing to give. He spoke about faith, about what it truly means to help, about what sacrificing is NOT, and about what it is to be truly thankful.

... I really can't condense everything he said into something that will fit in a blog entry, but I am getting an audio copy of it next week. For anyone who wants to listen, do check back. Maybe it won't be as striking to you as it was to me. Heck, maybe it'll make you detest the fact that I am a Christian even more. But I've gotta try, right?

To everyone who's been reading my blog till now and responded, thank you... Its meant everything to me to be able to tell someone, anyone, in the most vauge, generalized words possible, what I'm going through. Thanks for finding out and helping me.

AP... 458 :) More than you'd believe...

Got too much going on around me right now, so I'll blog more later.

Signing off,

Whispered Screams

Fade...

Sorry for the extremely abrupt post last time around... I know its been just short of a month, but its been everything: a lack of being able to focus, some ups, some downs, some beginnings, some endings, and a whole lot of cycling through memories.

But I won't tell you all that now.

Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But for now, I won't.

For now, just know that my thoughts are like... confetti rained on the people at the closing ceremony of the Olympics.

Things are back to the way they once were, just with paths to the past that no one will ever tread again...

C'est lav vie...

Signing off,
Screams

Silence

Alright I don't know how to go about this but... in simple terms... I messed up.

Thats all. I've got no options left.

I don't know what's gonna happen past this point, but I guess if you guys wanna stick around, go ahead.

I'll post again. Soon. And I mean that.

Till later,

Screams