2 hours, 4 minutes in.

So two hours, four minutes in, thats how far she is. 1176 miles away. A few thousand more to go. Ah well. All I pray is that they all get there safely, have a beautiful time, and return safely.

I'm too tired to update more right now.

Till later,

JDR

Its going to be too long...

Wednesday July 18th, 2007.

Bliss. Moments of peace, promises of truth and expressions of romance.

Looking incredibly perfect in aquamarine.

Our first dance...

I'm going to miss you so much darling...



JDR

What now?

Its been a while since I've posted. And yes, I know, I could make the promises to turn this more frequent and attempt a steadier stream of thoughts and events for your reading pleasure and for my own sanity.

Or not.

Fact: I had a good weekend. I went to Ottawa with my friends for a weekend trip involving whitewater rafting and just having a good time in general. I needed the break.

Fact: I'm terrified of my past. I hate the things I've done but, regardless of that, I can't change them. Consequences can go too far, can't they...

Fact: I'm scared of change. I'd like to blame a lot of my inactivity and unwillingness to change/better myself on my lack of motivation to inject any effort. But I can't. The fact is, I'm scared of losing something to gain something else. Even though some of the things I have in life right now aren't things I acquired of my own power or effort or asking, it seems like trading them up (or rather, the possibility of losing them in exchange for what I want to get) is too hard a choice. Its too innate a fear when it comes to me. I don't know why.

I wish I could improve myself. Maybe I can. I have a plan. But then again, I've had several. What's going to make this one any different? Maybe its that I have no excuses or way-outs this time.

I'm sorry D darling, if I'm the cause of all this. I love you.

To the rest of you, thanks for sticking with me. I hope I can have something more positive to post the next time I return. Feel free to contact me when you wish.

JDR