Rendezvous

So its been a while, I realize. School's insane hours, plus various things in between make it strange to go through a day with any time to even pen down a thought. Doesn't stop them flowing though...

I went back to something that I didn't really expect yet figured would come about at some point or the other. I didn't ask for it then, nor will I ask for it now. I only care that I get to have some time for it, in a twisted, singular manner. Ah well, that's life I guess.

Maybe I need to take a few more steps backwards.

To want or ask for someone to spend your time with, to have them want to spend their time with you, to share nothing and everything in individuality and togetherness, to have all that and want nothing else at all... is a dream.

Think about it. Cultural, religious, ethical and other such differences aside, we're a planet with a population of 6 billion. If you could ask one person to find the one they wished to share this with, how far would he/she go to find it? My guess? Not far. All this, just for the fact that, regardless of whether they want this or not, most people wouldn't place it too high on their list of goals for their lifetime, because really, who wants to spend a lifetime looking? Life's a big trading game, so why can't this just be looked at as a play card? Just play it when the time's right, in the most suitable circumstances. Doesn't hurt to hold a few extra in your hand while you're at it, eh? Just in case of... unforeseen issues.

What are the chances you'll find the one person who's willing to set forth every dream, every secret and every passion to share it with you?

One of my friends said that true love and marriage are, in a sense, the biggest compromise. Strange, isn't it? Even when it comes to "true" emotion, one must think in terms of the best deal procured.

Which collector was ever able to completely look past the high value of his "prized" possession and value it purely in and of itself? Would you pay $50,000 for a diamond-encrusted Rolex, and show it off to be just a beautiful watch? "Check out my new watch." "Its sweeeet! How much you pay for it?" There it begins. How do you think you'd respond? "50Gs cold hard cash.... (dollar signs in eyes)" or "Doesn't matter, I just bought it because it looked beautiful and I wanted it".

Pick an answer and there's your response.

Who would fight for love and put their life on the line for it? Something makes me think it takes two.

But hey, I've been wrong before. Then again, does such a thing as "wrong" exist when you choose a definition for your life and your mind and your "heart"?

A toast... to the trading game of life, where all that matters is the cards you hold... in every circumstance.



What would happen if it all just... stopped?

Signing off,

Whispered Screams

Somehow, this isn't my version of falling apart, nor is it an indication of forward motion. It may be limbo, for all I know. But then again, who does?

I don't know why I do the things I do, why I feel the way I feel, and why I ask the questions that I do. Words have immense impact on me, yet they manage to convey the sense that they're mere utterances of the vocal cords, apparent intent at times tangential to the purported aim. I'm no exception, so who's to judge my words?

I'm so sorry...

I'm frozen in something that I guess I don't really understand. I'm too tired. Definitions blur when one gets to this point.

I'm going back.




Signing off,

Whispered Screams

Incomplete insanity

So for the past two weeks I've been working. I guess technically the work wasn't hard, but there's a certain element of... stress, I suppose, that goes into being responsible for thousands of dollars, for handling it, transporting it, ensuring customer satisfaction, having to face the screaming, suspicious, and/or sarcastic ones. Being afraid of being short some money is another thing. It either comes off your paycheque, or you get fired... and it comes off your paycheque. Heh... 15 days of it, and it was alright. Waking up at 5:30 AM each day, sometimes coming home at 9 PM, sometimes at 1 PM. Its over for now?

I started several posts. Not in type, but on paper. I started each one and wrote as far as time and circumstance allowed. I never continued each one from one day to the next. Each day I grasped something, I tried to write it down. When something interrupted, that idea was lost.

I've lost too much.

I'm tired.

I can't sleep.

I'm so scared to dream. I wish I had the strength to.

Its a new day fallen.

[So lost and disillusioned] {Blink 182 - Feeling This}

Signing off,

Whispered Screams